Even before we were married, and whether we were having challenges or not, my husband and I made a commitment to seek out guidance in order to always be moving toward more conscious ways of communicating with each other. Many friends who I share this with are shocked to find that we see a relationship expert because they sense that our relationship is so solid. This reminds me of the parable of the Zen monk who has a healthy garden in front of his home filled with many beautiful plants. Around the base of each one, he has meticulously tied a small red ribbon. When a villager questions him about this strange practice, the monk replies, “I tie these red ribbons around each plant to keep all the tigers away.” The villager exclaims, “But there are no tigers around here for thousands of miles!” The monk smiles proudly and says, “You see how well these ribbons are working.”

We practice yoga to learn about ourselves and to become stronger at every level so that we can deliver what our soul is asking of us in this lifetime. We may end up in yoga due to suffering or pain just as some couples may end up in counseling for these reasons. Certainly, that is fine. Yet, wouldn’t we all be well advised to go “there” before the challenges begin or before the pain arrives? We might just receive the lessons we need to avoid a particular hiccup. I, for one, favor the preventative approach to the pathologic one.

Our relationship teacher likens the mind to a computer that is perfectly happy to run any program we tell it to. When challenges arise, it is important to check in with the mental program we are running. Do we mentally complain and drive ourselves into anxiety and unhappiness? Do we blame our partner for our emotions? What is it we choose to see: the crack in the pavement or the flower growing through?

Our teacher passed on the phrase “continuously, consciously choosing” to describe the way commitment works and I feel this is one of the true secrets to happy, long-lasting relationships. Simply put, each day, we are continuously, consciously choosing to be with one another.

From this orientation, we take charge of our mind and remind it that on a continuous basis we choose to be here consciously. This creates a very positive, powerful mind pattern that supports the blossoming of our relationship. Why not tie some red ribbons around your positive thoughts and see them fend off any negativity that may come?